I thought I would dispatch our first OFFICIAL post with something uplifting. Yeah, I know, this happened a week ago, but still. How often do we get to bask in something like this? For those unaware, here is the backstory.
Rock Art is a Vermont-based brewery, who makes a barleywine called the Vermonster. It comes in a 22 oz. bottle and is 10% alcohol. Hansen Beverages is a California-based beverage maker who seems to specialize in natural juices, but also puts out Monster Energy Drink which comes in a big roided-up can perfect for crushing against one's head to prove you are the dominant male of the herd.
Hansen Beverages, in an effort to jockey for America's Worst Legal Department, sent tiny Rock Art Brewery a cease-and-desist saying they were infringing on the Monster name, and that Rock Art's Vermonster could cause brand confusion. Just so you know, anyone who has ever drank 22 oz. of barleywine can tell you that it is anything but an energy drink. Also, Vermonster is made with hops and malt, while Monster is made by filling a can with the tears of orphans and abused women.
Thankfully there is a happy ending. After the internet caught wind of this, shit went crazy and Hansen was inundated with calls from Rock Art fans, beer lovers, and people who just plain like justice. Stores in New England even yanked Monster from their shelves. Hansen Beverages caved and dropped their adorable little lawsuit-y thing, although in a brilliant display of face-saving negotiation, they made Rock Art, a BREWERY, promise not to sell ENERGY DRINKS. I think that went something like this:
Hansen Beverages Lawyer: Hey . . . um, so . . . what's up?
Rock Art: Don't play dumb. You're getting crushed.
Hansen: Your face is getting crushed.
Rock Art: What?
Hansen: Okay look . . . can we have $10,000?
Rock Art: No, you lost.
Hansen: $50 and we call it a day.
Fine, just promise not to sell energy drinks, okay?
Then the lawyer shed a single tear, and drowned his sorrows in the Vermonster Sundae at Ben & Jerry's. Check the video out below, and if you can find it, snag a bottle of some fine Rock Art product. Word to the little guy.