Every party with more than a few people present is bound to have one or two people there that no one likes. They might be friends you feel forced to invite out of obligation, or friends of friends who pull the old "Tagalong", except with no cookies in hand. Cookies would make everything better, you see, and that is not their goal. Their goal seems to be to wander obliviously through life continuing to be unpleasant sans repercussions. Well, craft beer is no different. It is a huge party, and sometimes, we have some unwanted guests. Today and tomorrow I will be showcasing two very special, very unique, very recent crashes of our party. They even somehow represent the whole broad spectrum of party crashers.
Today, I bring you Sapporo. You might know Sapporo as "a Japanese beer" or "the de facto only drinkable beer at most sushi restaurants". You certainly don't think of them as "incredible" or "worth over a hundred dollars", though they might seem to think so. Allow me to explain.
Have you ever wanted to taste beer made with barley that had been in space? No? . . . Oh I'm sorry I misunderstood. You said, "What the hell are you talking about?" Sapporo has brewed a batch of beer (in this case, 100 liters) with barley whose seeds were flown around in space for 5 months. Mmmm . . . sounds delicious. You too can enjoy this space beer, whose label looks like a telethon logo, if you are willing to shell out $113 for a six-pack, as well as become a resident of Japan.
This is the first type of party crasher: the guy (or girl, but let's be real: it's probably a guy) who tries to fit in to the group, despite the fact that we have ZERO use for him, and generally ends up making a dink out of himself. Hey Sapporo . . . uh . . . didn't think you were coming tonight . . . .
Sapporo has not made any claim about space altering the taste in any way, nor does the article's claim that the barley had "seen more than most of us ever will" make me want to try this. In case the writer (Ms. Martha Kang) didn't know, barley doesn't have any eyes, thus making it impossible to drink any sweet, sweet memories it might have.
So, there you have it. Sapporo shows up uninvited with a ridiculous third-rate gimmick trying to hang with people who actually have friends. Sapporo knows what's up: millions of people DRINK Sapporo, but no one LOVES Sapporo. That means Sapporo should probably just go hang out with, oh I don't know, Yes, Dear, Starbucks, and Matchbox 20. They're richer there than at our party anyway. Definitely more your crowd. Hey, you can play Scruples. Everyone loses!
In their defense, Some TV station in EM-EFFING BOISE is reporting this, so it must be a big deal
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