Party Crashers (Part 2 of 2): The Borings

Last week, I briefly discussed some people showing up somewhat unwelcome to the craft beer festivities.  If you recall, the offender was Sapporo for offering a beer that cost $130 for a six pack because the barley had been in space for a while.  I consider Sapporo to be the friend who was essentially uninvited, and brings the straight horrendous, totally off-the-mark vibe to the party.  No one likes him, and no one thought he was coming. 

Today, I'd like to discuss a different type of guest.  These are the people who WERE invited to the party, but who are your boring, "grown up" friends.  These are the people who insist on making every party some sort of mind-numbingly awful exercise in adulthood, when sometimes you just want to dance to Michael Jackson and eat chocolate chip cookies.  Hypothetically.

Why they show up to our parties and attempt to impose their will is anyone's guess.  Perhaps they feel threatened by our idealistic energy; maybe they are just boring all they way into their miserable, sullen cores.  We might never know.  Well, we have a new addition to the list of people who fall into this category.  Step aside people who name their kids Hayden and Cole, because effing WINE ENTHUSIAST has decided to rank the top 25 beers of the year.

Would you want this wine guy or Vampire Weekend at your party?  I hope not.

If you are a total masochist and want a beer list to make you feel like a total moron, cruise on over, download the PDF, and read about bears that have notes of "horse blanket" and "toasted brioche drizzled in buttery caramel sauce".  (Thankfully, those aren't the same beer).  Throw in the fact that most of these beers are virtually unattainable anywhere aside from the Beer Advocate message boards and you have yourself a certified pomp-fest.  I mean, they say one of the beers has notes of "nectarine pit".  You can't even fucking eat that.

Well, Wine Enthusiast, you are our party crasher of the day.  While you are smart and have a way with words, you still miss the point.  Much like our sad, domesticated friends, you show up with all the interesting ingredients but with a presentation that misses the vibe completely.  Keep in mind, I believe beer should be treated with the UTMOST respect, and getting past the traditional flavors is key to enjoying craft beer.  However, turning our fun into a swirled-glass Monopoly-guy monocle party is positively . . . mature.  Yuck.  I'm getting notes of "bandwagon".